Rain, rain go the fuck away

Honestly. It’s the end of June.

Does the courgette have any flowers on it yet? No.

What about the squash? No.

Okay, there are lots of flowers on the tomato plants, but is there yet any sight of an actual cherry tomato? No.

There is still only one apple on the tree. (Mind you, from what Jane’s said about these grafted apple trees, one would be a bit of a miracle.)

And the peas are only just starting to flower.

Could we have some sunshine, please????????????

So, wonderful women’s weekend last weekend. Turns out I can actually squeeze four chairs around the table on the deck and, although there was no sunshine, it didn’t actually rain on Friday or Saturday, so good news there. (And, hey, even if it had rained: Women’s weekend. Hurrah!)

At the beginning of last week I honestly thought I might have a few strawberries ripe enough to share with my guests. When I went to the garden on Friday morning to check, oh, guess what? Gone, gone, gone. I can’t blame the deer on this occasion, as they can’t get in the garden. So who’s the strawberry bandit? Birds? Squirrels? Bastards, whoever they are.

I check again this morning.

Oh, goodie! Look at all the lovely ripe strawberries. Eat my first two ripe raspberries (yum!) before starting to pick the strawberries.

What the fuck? Okay, photo’s a bit out of focus, but every single ripe strawberry has at least one small bite out of it. Bastards, bastards, bastards. Does this happen every year? I can’t remember. The strawberry plants used to be in pots, but Krys insisted I should replant them in the raised bed. Hmm. Maybe this is her fault. Nah. It’s the bloody squirrels. Decide, if I’m going to have any strawberries this year, I’m just going to have to cut off the nibbled end and share them. (Bastards.)

Lots and lots of blackberries coming along – and I know the squirrels won’t get at them. Hah! (Plus the bees just love the blackberry blossom and the ceanothus has finished flowering now.)

Oh, and PS: the well chomped, supposedly deer-resistant plants do seem to be staging a comeback.

Now if we could just get some sunshine.

Resistance is futile

Remember the “deer resistant” bulbs I planted out back? Ha, bloody ha.

I wish I had a before picture. The shrubs really were coming along nicely.

This is what they looked like this morning.



Apparently they didn’t resist very hard.

No idea if there is any chance they may recover, but the planter is now in the garden. Bloody Bambi.

In other, less annoying wildlife news, a toad appears to have taken up residence in Irmani’s fuchsia.



Perhaps he’ll eat some of the caterpillars plaguing the island this spring. (Do toads eat caterpillars, I wonder, but cannot be bothered looking up.)

A morning spent weeding in the garden. (Unlike the vegetables I’ve unsuccessfully tried to grow over the past three summers, the weeds didn’t get the memo about the soil being crap.)



This particular bed is the first one I created when I first fenced off a garden area in the 1990s. In addition to the lilac tree (which finally blossomed this year), one of the five rose bushes I planted back then actually survived the years of deprivation when I was back in the UK.

And now there is a mystery.



That brave little rose bush, as it has proven every summer since 2010, is a red rose bush. So, how come the rosebuds it is producing this year are pale pink? Is that possible? A mystery for my horticultural guru cousin Peter.

The clematis is now in bloom.



Another mystery. The label suggested the flowers would be pale pink. Instead they are purple. In this instance I’m not particularly curious about why, because I actually wanted a purple clematis, but there were none left at the nursery. Bonus.

There is now so much fruit being promised.



Lots of raspberries.



The blackberry bush is producing an abundance of blossom.



Lots of flowers on the tomato plants.

And it turns out I was wrong when I said all the blossom on the apple tree had failed to produce anything that looked remotely inclined to turn into an apple.



It has, in fact, produced one thing that might turn into an apple. Time will tell.

Right now it’s time for a well-earned gin and tonic in the zero gravity chair.

Après le déluge

Almost immediately after the cherry tomatoes are planted, the skies open and the temperature plummets. This goes on for a fortnight. Eventually, the rain, rain goes the fuck away. Happily, despite the weather, the tomato plants are flowering, so all is not lost.

The same, sadly, cannot be said for the basil. Apparently it was too early to plant outdoors.



The Genovese basil withers and dies (drowns?), but, on the plus side, the African Blue basil is hardier and seems to be responding well to the sun finally coming out.

Satisfy myself, in between rain showers, by planting another window box.



Now there are flowers to be seen through both the kitchen and diningroom windows.

Outside, Irmani’s fuchsia has sprouted its first bloom.



A week later, look at it.



Okay, okay. This isn’t Irmani’s fuchsia. I broke down last time I was in the garden shop and bought another one. I couldn’t resist. It’s all instant gratification for me. Apparently, my motto is spend, spend, spend – even though at the moment I have nothing, nothing, nothing coming in. (Yes, Mr Mikawber, I am ignoring your recipe for happiness.)

And now that the sun has returned, out in the garden…



The second row of peas I put in is starting to sprout. The squash, courgette and beets have survived the deluge and, one hopes, will soon be responding to some sunshine. There is no sign of anything which might possibly turn into an apple to be seen anywhere on the mini-tree, but that’s okay. I can be patient – especially now that I know Jane’s tree hasn’t produced an apple in eight (or was it nine?) years. After all, it took at least 12 years for the lilac to finally produce any bloom.

The ceanothus, on the other hand, is blooming beautifully.



And, as I hoped when I planted it in 2010, the bees are loving it.



And the first of the flowers are beginning to make their way indoors.



I don’t know how I could have lived this long without knowing that rose bushes will cease to produce flowers if you don’t snip the first ones off before the petals start falling, the bush will cease producing flowers. Stumbled across this very important piece of information in a novel (can’t remember which one) last year. Explains not only why my roses have been disappointing, but how important it is to read.

Oh, and by the way, what appears to be a bud vase is in fact a glass I stole from a champagne bar in Edinburgh at the end of a raucous night out with Lucy and Wanda. Oh, happy days. (Actually, I say end of the night, but that was just me. I’ll draw a veil over what Lucy and Wanda - both mums now - got up to after I got a cab back to our hotel, shall I? Doesn’t stop me having a giggle at the memory, though.)